danyalab

I think I’m over MARI. I don’t experience the choking thoughts about her in my head anymore. I really hope that this is for the best. Don’t get me wrong, my love for her still persists. I just don’t feel the love take control over my life anymore. I don’t feel the urge to talk to her, nor do I pay attention to everything that she has done. I don’t know if this is me giving up or if this is genuine. I am very uncertain of what is going on.

I think this love has affected me greatly as a person. I feel like I’ve developed in unheard ways. She was the cause of many sleepless nights, many emotional lows and one of the greatest emotional crises that I’ve experienced in the past years. I am really grateful for whatever this has done to me. I can think better. Put things into words that I could never have put into words before.

She has taught me invaluable lessons. She showed me the steps that I need to take to idolize someone. She taught me how to love. How to commit grave mistakes and how to avoid them. To think twice before leaving someone in the dark.

She is definitely one of the people that will stick with my life forever. I still do grieve losing her, of course I do, but I have managed to stop focusing on her so much. I’ve realized that we are not as compatible as I wanted us to be, and neither of us could change to uphold the other.

I don’t have anyone to focus on right now. But I hope that I will find someone, eventually. I want another person, one whom I could love for who they are, one whom I could love for their beauty and character, and one who would do the same for me.

But these are my wishes in a perfect world. Chances are astronomically low for this to happen. And I’m not counting on anything to happen right now, no not at all. I would only love if something did.

I am very tired right now, so I will stop writing now. I hope I will continue this later.

i give up

fuck you

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OMORI'S Journal